Through My Mother's Eyes

Today is “National Tell A Story Day” and I could easily read you a story live, read you my favorite children’s story; which is Corduroy by the way; or simply list off some of my current or all-time favorite books (I’m such a book worm lol). Even though those are great, and I still may actually do one or two of those, no story means more to me than my own. As I was going to share my story from my view and experience, I thought it would be great to begin telling my journey of becoming Perfectly Scarred ™ from the woman who was there from the beginning; my Mom.

I was burned around 14 months old and as shocking as it may be to some people, I’ve had flashes of my experience since I was very young which is what lead me to ask my mother to tell me her version of the story. I remember at around 5 years old I randomly went to my mom and told her that “I know what happened, I can remember it all”, I proceeded to describe the setting, evening describing the setup of the kitchen and the door that a lady was standing by holding a baby and someone trying to get the baby from her… needless to say my mother broke out in tears and kept asking who told me those things and all I could say was “nobody, I just see it”… but more on that later.

In 2013 I asked my Mom to write a letter to other parents whose children may now be burn survivors, but what I received was a letter to me of what happened that faithful morning more than 30 years earlier and a few extra jewels that remind me to keep going.

It’s my hope that in sharing this personal letter from my Mom (with her permission of course) not only touches you as it did me, but that it lets you see that accidents can happen to anyone, at any time, in the blink of an eye. I also hope that there’s something in here that sparks deep thought, begins conversations and shows you that survivors aren’t just those who’ve endured the burn injury but also those closest to them.

You may want to grab a tissue or two… I sure needed to.

October 15, 2013

1:52 A.M.

As you know, you were born on September 10, 1980. During an event in 1981, that I often relive you were severely burned. The specific date has left my memory, and I know that it is a form of denial on my behalf. Yet, although I do not remember the date, the specifics are a part of my life I will never forget.

At appropriately 5:00 A.M., I woke you up and quickly dressed you in a jumpsuit with a printed blouse and put on your outer-ware. We left in a hurry, with your father who dropped us off at the baby sitters house and I was supposed to walk two blocks to the bus stop at 6:45 A.M. to catch the bus to work.

Upon entering the house, I placed you in a playpen and the baby sitter encouraged me to have coffee. As I was walking into the kitchen, the sitter said, “Watch Marcia because I have to run upstairs for a minute”. I foolishly picked you up, with a quick kiss on the cheeks taking you into the kitchen with me.

I placed coffee grinds into a cup then picked up the teakettle that was simmering on a low heat on the stove. I poured the boiled water into the cup. I then turned and went to the refrigerator to get some milk for the coffee. Unknowingly, you being extremely tall for your young age and as a child curious, on your tiptoes reached for the cup. I assume you were trying to take a drink. The grinds of the coffee had not dissolved and the contents of the cup poured over you hitting your ear, cheek, neck and chest.

Baby Marcia

Marcia, you were screaming and I was screaming. I picked you up and tried to console you, which made the matter even worse as I should have taken you to the sink to place cold water on you. I instead, I was holding you which actually caused the heat to constantly penetrate through your skin. The babysitter called 911, my mother and sisters and your other grandparents. I was still holding you when the medics came in and they had to pry you from my arms. I was in a state of shock and hysterical.

The ride in the EMS truck was quick and we got to Henry Ford Hospital within minutes, which seemed like hours to me.

The medical team at the hospital immediately took you to the back and started working on you. After several hours had passed and me constantly questioning as to why they had not moved you into a room. I was informed a social worker of the hospital needed to see me. She explained that you had suffered severe burns and you would never be able to wear earrings and would be deformed and needed to remain in the hospital, yet they had to keep you in the emergency area as you were not covered under any insurance and they were trying to figure something out.

The reason for that is not necessary to explain; however, I advised them I was working and to place you in a private room and I would pay the cost, no matter how long it took me. Your grandfather made some calls and you were covered by insurance.

I remained at the hospital every day, eating and sleeping there around the clock and only left one day after family and friends had convinced me to leave; I left and promptly returned after two hours. You had to have burn baths every day multiple times with Ivory dish washing liquid and the nurses would apply layers and layers of a white solution to calm the effects of the burn (I believe they said there is a continual burning sensation that happens). You had to lay flat on your back and would often look at me with your wise eyes as though you were telling me it was okay.

Family was in and out, but I remained. After a team of doctors and nurses were overheard talking in the hallway, stating that they could not understand why you were not healing, I convinced the nurses to allow me to take over the responsibility of doing your baths. I would squeeze the Ivory dish washing liquid on your skin and then lightly wipe repeating “In the Name of Jesus”. You then began to heal and they did not know what had changed, but one of the nurses knew and she came and whispered to me one day “I know what you’re doing, keep doing it”. They released you after having been in the hospital for several long weeks. Here again, the specific time frame is lost to me.

After your discharge from the hospital, a social worker was required to visit our house. When the social worker came to our home, instead of sitting in the living room as I had thought she would, she instead walked around the entire house. When I questioned what she was doing, she said she had to monitor me as the authorities did not believe you had taken the cup from the stove. Instead, they thought I had thrown the coffee on you. However, after witnessing my interaction with you, the cleanness of the house and my character, she explained that she would not come back. Instead, she would document the matter up to the point where they would release my case. I never heard back from her or anyone else.

Young Marcia

After your release, I took you to Henry Ford Hospital’s medical center for checkups. They exercised with you and ordered a JOBST skin vest and head attachment. You had to wear those items for almost a year while your skin was constantly healing. This was in order to keep the skin stretched properly and to avoid as many craters and keloids as possible.

During the time that you wore these items, people would rudely stare, whisper and point. I explained why you had to wear the items and although they were uncomfortable, you did keep them on, at least you did while in my presence. When visiting the medical center, and while you were in the hospital, we observed several other children who had burns. For example, one child had pulled a skillet of grease over their head, yet they were playing up and down the hallways of the hospital as though they did not have a care in the world. I then vowed that we would get through this.

I remained on leave from my job for about 4 months, fortunately I was given advanced sick and annual leave hours to cover my entire absence. To this day, I cringe whenever I see a child running around in a restaurant; especially when a wait staff person is carrying anything hot. I still find myself telling parents to keep their children out of the kitchen, not to allow them to touch hot items etc. Some people really do not have a clue about the dangers they place their children in when this occurs.

Because of the burn you suffered and cruel way people often stared, I raised you to be very tough. I also taught you to pray whenever you see an accident or EMS, and to be kind to others who are deformed or to those who others view as special or different.

Remember that you are God’s child and He just gave you to me. When I first brought you home from the hospital after giving birth, I laid you on your back and was reading to you as I often did, all at once, you started chocking. Before I could reach you, even though you were only three days old, you flipped over and coughed then look at me as if to say, “I got this”.

I also had an experience while you were in the hospital with your burn. Although I carry a lot of weight, I am at times very squeamish. Yet, without hesitation, I took prompt actions after an Angel of the Lord touched me and whispered in my ear that it was time to wake up, and to not be afraid as I had to take care of you. You had vomited all over yourself, yet, you were just looking at me calmly with a small smile while I took action. I cleaned you up, gave you an Ivory bath, went to the hospital linen closet and changed all the bedding before the nurse even knew what had occurred.

As I close this letter, to you my daughter who is now 33, I remind you of the day you were born. I was in labor for a lengthy time, yet did not understand why it was taking so long for you to be born. The reason unbeknownst to me was that the umbilical cord had wrapped around your throat. However, when you were born, the doctor said you had both of your hands on your neck pushing the cord from your throat.

These are current day miracles and wonders of God and they let me know that you are His child and are here to serve a higher purpose of goodness to serve Him and others.

I am so sorry, I was too lax in my responsibility as your Mother on that frightful day, and as a result that you were burned. I cannot begin to say that I can truly comprehend how you feel about it, yet you so graciously hold yourself up, never, trying to hide your scars as some of us would. I know that I cannot change anything that happened in the past, and I encourage you to stay strong for the Lord and know that everything will be all right.

Marcia, I love you always and you have been a true light in my life. No one on this earth is perfect, but I continue to observe on a routine basis how you allow the perfect will of God to direct your life.

Forever Yours,

Mom